Closing Hour

Who’d have thought, that after two years of silence I would one day post something on this blog again? Not me, that one’s for sure.

Truth be told there was never any reason why I vanished from the blogging world, but I simply did. Probably the whole going to university and ‘discovering who I was’ getting in the way of taking the time to sit and write down blog posts about my uninspired life.

Let me tell you people, the blogging would have fallen by the way side eventually. But that doesn’t mean I never missed it. Moments flickered past my mind where I thought about my grand return – would I ever go back? What would be my first returning post? What would I blog about? I’d become such a different person. And I could say they were the reasons I never came back, but they aren’t

There is indeed no real reason for my sudden silence. Two years of nothing.

And so, while sat on FaceTime to old friends, reminiscing about the old days and fully aware that in six months I will be graduating from University, I’ve declared that tonight is when I deliver my farewell to BubbaKavangha, and end everything on a note of finality, rather than abandonment.

 

When I say I’ve grown and become someone new – as cringe worthy as that sounds – it is in fact true: I am no longer the same Aiden I was before, back when I blogged. While a case can be made for that I remain the essence of the old me, I can never come back to this blog and make it such a fixture of my life. This was an old chapter of my life – perhaps the previous one, or maybe two chapters back – and now I’m somewhere else. And tragically, this blog has been left behind in the past of my teenage years.

Shortly I’ll be turning 21 years old – a terrifying concept but overall exciting period to look forward to. My teenage years weren’t filled with the fondest of memories, and on the eve of my 20thI promised to make sure to have the best decade to come. My 20s are filled with future plans, and sadly, BubbaKavangha – as I said – has not made the cut.

And so, I bid this closing house for my old alter ego. My persona of Aiden is finally being shed, and I close this chapter with a final, and perhaps over the top blog post.

BubbaKavangha was everything I needed at the age of 17, but at the age of 20, it is no longer needed.

But it was all worth it.

 

BubbaKavangha

University Crisis

Holy shit look who it is. Yes, it’s me, the foul mouthed anonymous blogger who hides behind a picture of a starbuck coffee and calls himself Aiden/bubbakavangha.

Although don’t expect this to be my big, grand return to blogging. I’m still working things out in that area (which is taking longer than the month I said it would, I know). Instead, I’m here because I’m having another issues and what I do best when I have a crisis is blog. As a coffee cup.

What?

Anyway.

I’m having what I call the University Crisis.

I leave in less than four weeks for university. New people, new place, new everything. And that also comes with no money, no friends, no familiarity. It’s hitting home and I blame the ending to Skins season 2 which I watched this morning at 2am. Mate was that ending too real for me and now I’m feeling the shockwaves.

Let me take a second to actually talk and make some sense.

I got into university. After months of anxiety, panic attacks, lack of motivation and the general want to give the fuck up, I made it. Distinction* in my BTEC (which is equal to an A*, just to let you know), B in Media, and a C in English. Pretty decent grades in the end. And I got into my first choice university. Hertfordshire to study Media and Creative Writing with an optional year abroad (which I will most certainly be taking).

But what I wasn’t prepared for was all the prep that comes before university. on results day alone I had about five emails from the university about things I had to sort out before I got there. Accommodation enrolling onto my course. Getting to grips with when I can move in and what I’ll need. Current objectives involve the following:

  • Make a student bank account
  • Find my flatmates on the Facebook freshers page (although I’m beginning to think no one in my flat has facebook and thus I am all alone, while the flats in my block are all finding their people)
  • Get the odd bits and bobs to have in my room. You know, decorations and other bits of shit. A door stop, stationary, etc.
  • Get a job because I am broke and will not survive

Yeah, lot to do. And that’s not what’s making me nervous. In fact I’m really looking forwards to university and already have an idea of whether I want to join societies and which ones I want to join, where I can go out when I haven’t got work/lectures etc etc.

But the thing that is really hitting home is home.

The other night I was out with some friends and while talking to one, Poppy (new person!), it kind of make me realise that I’ll meet new people and I have no idea what will happen with the old ones. About seven of my friends are all going to the same city: Peter and his brother, Emily, James, Poppy, and a few others. They’ll all be really close to one another. Orla (who I have become incredibly close with over a matter of months) will have a few friends where they’re going, and then there’s me. I’ll have no one and be entirely on my own. I’m gonna have to trick people into liking me all over again.

But a small part of a conversation with Poppy is probably one of the earlier stages of the University Crisis:

Me: Peter is such a shit. Good luck living with him.

Poppy: I have no idea how I’m going to do it. At least I’ll have the others there as well

Me: Yeah. (pause) I have no idea how I’m going to live without Peter. I’m so used to seeing him nearly every day it’ll be strange not seeing him

 

In case you’re new, Peter and I have been friends for seven years. He’s one of my best friends and we’ve literally been by each other’s sides through everything: depression, parental struggles, beginnings of relationships, the discovery of alcohol and parties, my ‘fling’ with a certain someone (wouldn’t you like to know ;)).

So the idea of not seeing any of them 5 days out of 7 is really weird now. I’ll be alone and I’m not sure if that scares me or if I’m just nervous about it’ I’m struggling to tell the difference right now. But I’m also worried about how things will fold out when I come back home. whether I’ll drift away from people I’ve known for years, or whether only some of them will.

This university business is hard work, I’m not sure I’m emotionally cut out for it. I need a realistic guide to university that isn’t all like ‘alcohol! Parties! New people! etc etc!’ I need a step by step guide as to what I should expect from everything when I go to university.

God I hate going into the unknown without any clear direction.

Fuck you uncontrollable life events.

Fuck you season 2 finale of Skins where the first generation (and best) set of characters left and move on to university.

As you may be able to tell, I’m not coping with this University Crisis well. And I’m not sure if this even counts as blogging anymore. In fact, I’m not convinced anything I’ve ever done counts as blogging.

Look the point is this: I’m scare of change and I think I might possibly cry at the prospect of myself and my friends all moving onto new things, very much in the style of a TV series ending and the characters moving on from everything they knew to something else, and something no longer worthy of a TV series or not fitting to the premise of the series. Worst analogy ever.

I don’t think it helps that I’ll be the last to leave out of everything. By the time I get into my halls, the vast majority will have already been at university for about two weeks. And that makes me realise that I think I’m scared of getting left behind or forgotten about.

Right time to end things here and I’ll leave it with a demand that you read Solitaire and Radio Silence both by Alice Oseman because they are very good and Solitaire has a novella spin off which is very gay.

Bye.

PS. I’m not going to proof read this because a) I can’t be f*cked and b) it’ll make matters worse. So sorry if there’s any grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. If they insult you, deal with it 🙂

Ramble No.153 – Dipping my Toes

I’ve been gone for quite a while now, and to me it feels like the longest break from blogging I’ve ever had but in reality it’s not much longer than breaks I’ve had in the past. And really I don’t have an excuse for any of it. I know that back in January I said that I’d probably be posting less and when I said that, I imagined it would be because I was doing other things, you know, like actually studying and working etc etc. but in the harshness of reality, there is no reason for my hiatus.

I just sort of disappeared from blogging for a little while. And oddly it appears that in my absence there number of people following this medico blog has increased, as far as I know. Because from what I recall there was roughly 220 of you, and now that’s gone up to 232. Correct me if I’m wrong.

But anyway, over the last couple of weeks I’ve had the chance to sit and think about many things. Mainly this blog. And I think it’s about time I made a confession.

I lost interest in blogging.

And nothing was sparking that interest back. But, after a while of thinking about the matter I came to a bit of a conclusion. I said this back I January, my blog has served its original purpose of being somewhere to go talk whenever I needed to express something. And since starting this blog, I don’t need that anymore, because my mind-set has changed so that I no longer need that kind of support.

But now I think it’s time to find a new purpose for it. I actually considered packing it all in, calling it an end of bubbakavangha because I’d reached the point of feeling as if I didn’t need a blog anymore. But now that I think about it, it hardly seems fair to just walk away.

So bear with me when I say this, but the time has come for me to reinvent bubbakavangha into a new style of blog. And I’m still working out what that’ll be, but I have an idea of where things are going. And when I say this, it’ll probably be the content that I’m talking about, which I want to expand and include things other than just my small little life updates. Which you might find interesting but let’s face it, there’s far more interesting topics I could me talking to you about other than the current show I’m watching (which was Teen Wolf but that finished this week. So I’m left with Shadowhunters).

So like I said, bear with me for the time being as I work out things, such as what I want to be doing and how I want things to be. And treat this little post as me dipping my toes back into blogging and making a point to return to the hobby also. And if it takes longer than a month, start bothering me via twitter.

But for now,

 

BubbaKavangha

Ramble No.152 – The Line That Killed Me

“Holy mother of god Aiden is actually posting something!” is probably what you’re all thinking right now and it’s true, I am actually posting something for a change. Literally, the last time I blogged was last month where I said that I wanted to blog before Christmas, and then didn’t. And last post I said I would be blogging less probably, boy, did that turn out to be true. (side note from editing: turns out, I completely forgot about that Bib the Fish post I did last month!)

So what do I have to blog about today? Well, nothing.

If anything I just felt like posting something just to reassure people that I wasn’t dead and was still breathing. If anything, not even I know what I’ve been doing this last month of no updates and blogging. Did any of us expect this poor work ethic to be shown in my blogging? I probably did to be honest.

Wow look at the ramble about how much of a shit blogger I am. Glorious, isn’t it?

Let’s see, what have I actually got to say? Well there’s my mocks that I had last week, which amazingly went pretty decently which was probably down to the fact that for once I did some revision. I have an app on my phone called flashcards plus, would highly recommend if that’s how you revise best. Get it for free in the app store today (not sponsored).

As well as that I’ve realised that coursework has the powers to send my brain to mush, as was demonstrated a couple of weeks back when I literally sat crying in my English lesson. And I know what you’re probably thinking, Aiden, you always seem to be crying in English lessons these days. Well this time it was different. None of that anxiety and panic attacks crap, this time was brought on from pure, crappy and unfunny comedy that killed me.

Honestly, it’s embarrassing how much I laughed at this thing. Okay, imagine this: Pablo is having his work read through by our teacher, she’s reading it out loud to him when she gets confused about his wording of sentences. Me, a confused and bored child on the brink of madness, sits behind Pablo and listens to him whilst she reads out.

“Pablo,” she said, “I don’t understand this bit. You’ve said ‘I have decided that 2007 will be my year’.”

Killed me. Instant headshot in a video game. Gone, lost into the void. I spent like 20 minutes maybe laughing. I couldn’t stop. Tears ran down my face. My cheeks and stomach hurt. And best of all, everyone seemed to just ignore me and let me get on with it.

‘oh look Aiden’s crying again was a surprise’ was probably what was going through their heads.

This is what my education has amounted to. Laughing are my friends badly worded sentences whilst masking my pain of facing up to the reality of my own coursework. Just today Miley told me that I couldn’t run away from my problems. Ha! Just you watch me Miley!

Oh and in other news I turn 18 next Tuesday so I guess there’s that (consider yourselves dead to me if I don’t come online next Tuesday and find that I’m lacking in happy birthday messages and presents showering down upon me).

Oh and one final note, I did a psychopath test earlier today and it turns out that I’m 55% a psychopath. Who knew!

(god this post is a mess)

 

BubbaKavangha

Ramble No.151 – Bib the Fish

I predicted my future last night.

And I don’t mean this in one of those literal or deep ways, but more one of those ‘this is more than likely how my life will be in ten years to come’. You know when people ask you that question of ‘where do you see yourself in ten years’ time?’ and you have no idea whatsoever to say so just shrug and say you’re clueless (although I know a girl who had an answer to this back when she was fifteen, so I guess she knows what she wants in life)? Well I have my own personal answer now:

I’ll probably be the uncle that is single and lives in a flat somewhere in the city and plays music really loudly through the walls and pisses off the neighbours as he dances around the place and sings at the top of his lungs. Whilst also drinking some alcoholic substance, like wine, depending on how mature and sophisticated I’m feeling by that point. As well as this, there will likely be the odd time you have to stop at his house and he can’t cook for shit so you have no choice but to order pizza (which as a child is great). Oh, and not forgetting the pet goldfish Bib, because I do not trust myself with the responsibility of having a dog.

Of course part of this scenario is based upon the idea that my sister will first, get a boyfriend, then have kids and get married. And by the looks of how things are going in her love life at the minute, my niece/nephew will be a dog. Because I’m too narcissistic (and freaked out by relationships) to be ever stop being single, and she’s too miserable to find someone. Mom says she’ll be stuck with her children for the rest of her life, which I hardly see as being an issue to be honest.

In terms of where I see myself in say, a year’s time as opposed to ten (as listed above), I can’t really say I have an answer. I guess I would like to say at university, and that’s what I want to say definitely and with pure confidence.

(Side note: in terms of university I’ve actually had all offers back from the three uni’s I applied to and accepted one. The way it works, if you don’t know, is that you selected one university as a firm choice, which is the one you go to if you get into university. Then you have an insurance choice which you go to if you don’t get into your firm. I only have a firm option, and no insurance which is crazy considering back in October I was literally crying and having panic attacks because I thought I wouldn’t get into uni. And now here we are with me banking everything on getting into the University of Hertfordshire.)

But who knows. My exams start in May and in August I’ll know what path things are taking for the next few years. It could either be me heading off to university or me faced with the drawing board and sketching out some dodgy plan as to what I can do with the life. And to be honest, the latter sounds somewhat interest.

Jesus Christ Aiden, have some structure in your life for once.

 

BubbaKavangha

Ramble No.150 – 365 Days

If you’re not celebrating then that needs to change. Because people, today is my blogs One Year Anniversary!

How weird is that? A year ago today I posted my first post going on about how I was bored and didn’t know what to do with life. Both of which are still unbelievably true. But then Rome wasn’t built in a day now, was it?

Now besides the whole it being my blogs birthday and stuff, some people must be wondering where I’ve been lately (and if you haven’t then rude) and the truth is I kind of just took a break from blogging for a little while. You know? I just didn’t have anything to blog about and also got side-tracked with a million other things. In fact, there was a post I was going to do before Christmas but that was before Christmas and we’re here so like, yeah…

“But Aiden, what distracted you so?”

Honestly I would like to say college and exams and studying but the cold, hard truth is this: video games and watching countdown videos on YouTube made my WatchMojo.com. Did you know that according to WatchMojo.com, The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time is the greatest game of all time? And that Lara Croft is the best female heroine in all video games too? Or that Ezio is best Assassin’s Creed character? Who’d have thought it? (Well the Lara Croft one was pretty obvious).

And besides watching these entirely useless countdowns about different topics and matters and learning all about games I had never heard of or realised was cancelled, I was racing through the new Tomb Raider games, and holy God, was it good. Three days it took me, and were those three days worth my time.

But anyway, enough of my procrastination and general day to day boring life, I thought I’d take the time out of my motionless evening to acknowledge that over the past year I have basically be running this medico blog and become someone entirely different (*vomits at the cringe*) but would also like to state that its more than likely over the next few months, my posts will probably be fewer and further apart as, to be entirely honest, the purpose of my blog has been served.

Originally I wanted a little somewhere to go and express myself whenever I needed to. But really, I don’t actually need that place anymore. But I really do love having this little blog to go and ramble on. Right now, for example.

And here is the block as to what to say next? Well I guess it’s time to call it a wrap on this post and say that I’ll see you, whenever I next feel like rambling about what will likely be coffee shops.

 

BubbaKavangha

Ramble No.149 – (Just Shy of) 365 Days

Whilst looking through my insight stuff on WordPress I ended up looking at the frequency of which I blog. That then led to me realise that next month will mark an entire year since I first starting blogging. Which is bizarre because I still remembering getting the urge to finally start blogging and making the blog as if it was yesterday. The writing of my first post, picking a theme, deciding on a name for the blog, and well and truly have no f-ing clue how to use WordPress. The latter of which is still true, the reason my blog never changes in appearance or I never do anything amazingly creative, like imbedding videos into posts, is simply because I don’t know how you do that stuff. I’m a writer, if I’m honest, my skills do not lie in website design.

Anyway, a year. An entire 365 days since I started blogging will be here soon and I’m sure I’ll make another post about this on the actual day, but for now, I going to talk about it.

How has having this blog altered my life? Well for one I feel saner and more in control of myself than before. When I first started I was having some kind of rough patch that made me feel alone. Now, I have become a somewhat arrogant and narcissist human that is the life and soul of all parties, as well as being a sliver humble. Overall, I’m more confident and in fact more comfortable with myself. It’s weird I don’t know.

When I first started blogging I was always concerned about my identity and still am, to be honest, but I also have to admit that there have been points in the last year where I’ve both considered being honest about who I am (within reason, of course) but also actually calling it a day on this blog. The original purpose was for me to have some kind of solace, a place to vent my thoughts. And when I didn’t need that anymore I started to see little purpose in my blog. As far as I could see, it had served its purpose.

And I do still think this from time to time, but then I remembered that perhaps other people aren’t quite done with this blog. I don’t know. It’s weird to think about what someone might take from my writing after they read a post, because to me I usually think ‘they’ll read this and then get on with whatever they were doing before’ rather than it actually/potentially making some kind of impact on someone’s day to day life.

I never once assumed or imagined this this blog would go viral, like so many books or shows or films will have you think, but I also never imaged it to gain 200 followers within a year. I kind of just wanted someone to notice it so that there was someone reading it. Which there is, and unexpectedly to me, there has always been someone reading my posts.

Maybe one day I’ll say who I am, or maybe one day this blog will end. But today is not that day. Today is a day in which I simply reflect back over everything that has happened via blogging. Maybe one day you’ll see me on another blog and maybe you’ll never hear from me again.

 

BubbaKavangha

Ramble No.148 – News Report

Originally I was going to do Blogmas but let’s be honest, that was never going to happen.

It’s been however long since my last blog post that was about something and I don’t actually know what it was about. Oh yes, I remember, a café I went to and am now obsessed with. Although having said that I haven’t actually been back since. Awkward.

Anyway, I have news.

First piece of information being is that I’ gradually becoming one of those drivers who will make the odd sarcastic comment about someone else’s driving. For example, when waiting at traffic lights I find myself passing comments about how the person in front needs to hurry up and pull off because otherwise the lights will bloody change and then we’ll be stuck at the traffic lights for another cycle because you were too slow and diDN’T MOVE OFF IN TIME.

Anyway, the second piece of news is this: I sent of my UCAS application for University a couple of weeks ago, applying to University’s Liverpool Hope, Bath Spa and Hertfordshire to study media and creative writing. And guess what, people I got offers from all three universities.

Insert the sounds of crowds cheering here.

Bath Spa offered me a place if I got 320 UCAS points, a minimum of 260 coming from my grades in English Language and Media, the rest coming from Public Services. It was also conditional so long as I got a B in English. Liverpool Hope wanted me to get B, B, Merit in my results. And Hertfordshire would like 280 UCAs points, from at least 2 A-Levels or equal.

People we can celebrated because I have gone from uber stressed to uber chill. Despite that grey hair I found in my chin earlier today, that was from the stressed phrase, I’m sure.

Now comes the tricky bit of picking a firm choice and an insurance place. Basically, which university you want to go to most, and then a backup slot for if you don’t get into the first place. And just to empathise how chilled I’ve become of recent, I don’t have a backup university.

That’s right. I only have a frim choice and that’s all. University of Hertfordshire is literally my all or nothing. Time for everyone else to stress right now. In fact, everyone but my family and the good old UCAS woman at college is concerned by the fact I didn’t put down an insurance place. Oh well. If I don’t get in then I don’t.

Now I should probably be productive on some level seeming as I spent all day yesterday watching the first season of the Scream TV Series. As you can guess, it was very good. I’ll probably also be sat for some time trying to come up with some kind of title for this blog post… if you’re reading this then I worked something out it seems.

 

BubbaKavangha

Ramble No.147 -Aesthetics and Elephant Orphanages

I’ve come to realise that within a few years, I will more than likely have turned into one of those people that no one actually know what it is that they’re doing, you just know they’re doing something slightly worthwhile. For example, I have a feeling that in a couple of years, two of my current friends will have this kind of conversation:

“Hey have you heard from Aiden lately?”

“Nah, what do you reckon he’s been up to lately?”

“Who knows, probably off working in some elephant orphanage in Thailand or something weird like that.”

Just to point out, I did find out that via one of my university choices you can actually volunteer at an elephant orphanage in Thailand, via the Student Union. So yeah, I’ll probably end up as one of those types of people. I mean, just today I went to donate blood but didn’t actually get to donate blood. Long story short it had been too long since I last ate (something dad probably didn’t listen to when he booked me in to donate) so I’ll be off in a couple of weeks to hopefully donate. But I mean it’s a starting point for my selfless and morally good lifestyle…

But thankfully the day didn’t end up being quite the waste it could potentially have been. At the moment, Birmingham has its annual German Market running the length of the high street, and of course, every Brummy knows that you can’t go to Birmingham during December and not visit the German Market. So after wondering around there and muttering under my breath about slow walkers and people who stop in the middle of the way, I left and headed to the part of the city which I’ve been dying to explore for a while.

Back in the summer while my sister and I were running around and taking pictures of owl statues, I notice a small café that was completely my aesthetics and had the appearance the perfect writer’s café. Since seeing it, I have been looking for the perfect moment to visit said café. And seeming as I hadn’t been able to follow through with my original plan for the day, I saw it was the perfect time to pay the café a visit.

It’s called York’s Espresso Bar and just opposite the train station in Snowhill. Inside its pretty much 100% industrial style with rustic and wooden furniture, the type of décor that just screams Tumblr worthy. I feel like such a blogger or hipster talking about a café I found today, wow Aiden. Anyway, after sitting down at a small window seat, I ended up taking three pictures of the surrounding area, mainly because of the aesthetics purpose but also for the purpose of blogging.

See, it’s a writer’s café through and through if it’s making me want to blog.

 

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BubbaKavangha

Ramble No.146 – I’m Becoming An Elf

It’s the 28th of November which means that there is exactly less than a month until Christmas. Well I guess it isn’t quite exactly but still close enough. Anyway, due to this short time until the jolly, fat man in a red suit comes with a load of presents, I feel no shame in talking about Christmas. Not. One. Bit.

This year will be my first blogging Christmas, and I have no idea if that means if I do things differently or if something exciting happens over the festive period in blog world. But who knows, I guess I’ll find out.

Now, while I’m waiting for my discounted version of The Sims 4 (no shame in admitting this, either) is downloading, I thought I’d talk about Christmas a little and what the main things I’m looking forwards to.

First of all, I would normally say the chance to drink hot drinks all the time, but I already do that. So taking my top spot on things I look forwards to at Christmas is wearing cosy clothes and Christmas jumpers. I’m one of those people who has a million different Christmas jumpers (a red one with an actual stocking on the front, a green one with a reindeer and bells, an elf jumper with a hood that has a large bell on the end, and a normal one with reindeer which I can wear out of the house) so being able to wear these without judgement, is so worth the wait. In fact last year, at college we had a charity Christmas jumper day which I’m praying will happen again.

Secondly, I’m looking forwards to all the Christmas songs on the radio. Fairy Tale of New York. Mariah Carey. Wizard. All the classic will be here soon and I am as excited as a child on E numbers. Originally, I wanted to be driving by this time of the year so that Kent and I could cruise around town in my ancient little car, listening to the Christmas jam. Yes, we are the losers you avoid at all the parties.

Third, Christmas TV. It seems that whenever the Christmas spirit sets in and the time is fast approaching, the writers of TV shows step up their game and bring out some of the best shows and specials around. The scheduling for Christmas time is awesome and more than usual, I will sit with my family and just watch whatever film is on, even if I have seen it a million times. Especially, if it’s Shrek (which is always on at Christmas in the UK).

Finally, the time off of school. Yes, we all look forwards to the holidays. But I think at Christmas we do especially. You can stay in on those cold, wintery days and just think ‘thank god I don’t have to learn maths today’ and instead, you can remain in those cosy Christmas pyjamas all day. Not to mention the late nights and lie in’s.

So, there is my short list of the things I look forwards to at Christmas time. Feel free to leave a comment saying what you love about the Christmas period or just ignore that invitation and leave a like so that my ego grows just that tiny bit.

 

BubbaKavangha